Often times, we get so carried away with the daily grind, that we lose focus of whats truly important in our lives. We hope this guide can be of some assistance when navigating through those tumultuous times – My Asian Nanny
Creating a strong bond with your child
Raising a child can be a daunting task especially when you want your kids to be well mannered, Strong and likable. This becomes even harder when you attempt to achieve this without punishments and deterrents in the home. While having wonderful kids is the joy of every parent, many parents struggle needlessly to achieve a strong bond with their kids. The essential ingredient for wonderful kids is intimacy.
You might be thinking that you are accustomed to saying how much you care for your kids. Quite frankly, this is not sufficient. While it is important to say it, it is more important to demonstrate your care and devotion.
Demonstrating your care and devotion
Demonstrating your devotion simply implies that everything revolves around your child’s well-being and happiness. Devotion implies that you are committed to your child and ready to understand its emotions and perspectives. It also implies that you constantly remember that your child is a precious gift and to treat it accordingly. Expectedly, you might wonder if this would require a significant amount of time and effort.
Won’t devotion require a significant amount of time and effort?
This is what many people assume and this could be further from the truth. In fact, the contrary holds true. Experiencing your child is one of the best things of life. In most cases, you will be revitalized and invigorated from the experience. An overwhelming majority of parents confess to wishing that they had spent more time with their kids during their formative years.
Is it possible to demonstrate devotion when all I’m focused on providing for the home and making sure that everything is orderly?
Demonstrating devotion to your child simply means caring for your child. When you do not care for valuable things, they would become bad and defective. The same holds true with kids. Giving adequate consideration and being responsive to them will not fail to yield impressive results. You would certainly have to handle many things simultaneously. It is advisable that you find creative ways to do this. If you have an older child, getting him or her to participate in home activities with you would present ample time to connect. The best way to create a strong bond with a child is to dedicate time to your child daily.
While all of these may seem confusing, here are simple steps to creating a strong bond with your child
Being there from day one:
Creating a strong bond with a child begins from day one. Creating a formidable connection and closeness that would last a life time often begins from the cradle. Parents that dedicate time to their toddlers will often carry on with this same practice during the course of their lives. It is expected that parents that are devoted to their kids would persist on this path and foster a very high level of intimacy with their kids.
An effort is required for any form of relationship:
Having a strong bond with your kids is not instantaneous. While you are genetically wired to have affection for your kids, it will also require that you dedicate time to living and being with them for that mutual bond to be sustained and strengthened.
Dedicate time to your kids:
The amount of time that you dedicate to your kids is always important and should not be trivialized. While many people would argue that it is not about how much time but the extent of intimacy you share on the few occasions, I must point out that this is certainly fallacious. It is impossible to experience heightened closeness and companionship with a child that you do not interact with very often. This is obtainable in every other form of relationships as well. Dedicating time to your kids is crucial to creating an inseparable bond. Imagine how you were when you were young. Were you left to your own devices or were you cared for and nurtured every waking hour?
The confidence of both parties is the bedrock:
Confidence in one another is the bedrock of all forms of human relationships and this is particularly relevant in the parent-child relations. For you to have a strong bond with your child, your child must have confidence in you and you must have confidence in your child as well. Confidence for kids begins when they are very young as they realize after a while that parents are responsible for catering to all of their essential needs for a happy and vigorous life. In like manner, you must have confidence in the character of your kids with a conviction in their moral uprightness. Of course, you must be confident in the mentorship and values that you have inculcated into your child from his formative days. When a child is in adolescent, it is often characterized by a lot of confusion and uncertainty of values for many. Having confidence that your child would find his way and listen to your counsel when he strays is also crucial. Confidence means sticking around until things get better.
Always reassure and embolden:
Raising kids can be filled with a myriad of challenges. It is quite common that kids would exhibit traits and behaviors that are consistent with the kind of values that are taught at home. Excessive disparagement and expression of disapproval will often have a negative impact on a child.it is very easy for a parent to damage a child’s self-confidence and self-worth with unremitting complaints. Expectedly, they will begin to perceive you as an antagonist and this could strain your relationship with your kids. Kids need to be reassured and encouraged. They often seek the approval of their parents and this should not be taken for granted.
Respect is a two-way street:
Many parents in the more conservative societies are completely oblivious of this concept. While it is expected that the kids respect their parents, it would interest you to know that parents are required to respect their kids as well. When you treat your kids with disregard, you are effectively damaging their self-worth and happiness. Children that grow up in homes where their views and opinions are not considered will naturally evolve into docile and passive adults. In other cases, kids may wind up being rebellious and unmanageable. While parents obviously know better and should exert their authorities when necessary, it is important that a mutual respect is reciprocated in a home.
The relationship is a gradual buildup from regular communications:
Having as strong bond with your child does not mean that you do something spectacular every time. Creating a wonderful relationship with your child is not a one-time effort or a periodic attempt to dazzle and impress. A great relationship is a gradual buildup that comes from regular communications. When you communicate with your child regularly, and understanding will begin to grow between the both of you. Regular communication helps you understand your temperaments better and this is a requirement for a blissful relationship.
Begin communicating from the day one:
One of the reasons why parents fail to bond very well with their kids is because they do not begin communicating from day one. When your baby knows that you would often listen to what he has to say, they would naturally perceive you as their number one confidant and biggest fan. When you pay attention to your two years old when he is jabbering about our experience in school and maintain this practice throughout your child grows, you can be sure that he will always confide in you even when he is older. Listening to your child will help you know what he feels and reposition you to impart relevant and meaningful values.
It is not directed at you:
While this is very challenging for many parents to implement, it is important that you know that it is not directed at you. When you child jams the door in your face yells and tells you to leave him alone or says things that are pretty offensive, always realize that it is not directed at you. Most kids grapple with managing their emotions, peer pressures, hormones, fears, prevailing circumstances in their lives and much more. Owing to the fact that they are still young, it is only natural that they have occasional outbursts. As a parent, you must ensure that you are not deeply offended by this or assume that it is directed at you. This is one case where it is easier said than done. However, the following tips will help you manage related situations:
Inhale and exhale deeply
Do not let it linger in your mind
Do not forget your child loves you, do not yell
Always put yourself in your child’s shoes
Calmly think of a great way to respond to the situation.
You must realize, we are not implying that you condone a bad attitude. However, handling these situations with love and consideration would often yield tremendous results. A proper evaluation of the situation should be carried out after which you can decide to either comfort or correct your child with love.
Discipline is not always the solution:
Disciplining a child would help the child know that there are consequences for wrong actions. However, discipline is not always the solution. When you are always disciplining your child, you can expect that he or she will soon become rebellious and unmanageable. A healthy balance and perception into the situation are always great.
Deal with misunderstandings immediately:
Staying away from your child will not yield any good results. It is important that you deal with situations immediately and amicably. In instances when your child remains difficult and agitated you can always stay away for a short while and get back when he is approachable. Creating a strong bond with your child means that you must always be willing to stay connected and offer affection, guidance, and correction all the time.
Always reunite after time apart:
There are a lot of factors that could cause a child to be away from parents and for positive reasons too. It is important that you always that you try to know all about them and where they are at in their lives when you get to be with them again. Reuniting with your kids doesn’t mean taking them out or buying gifts. It means that you spend time reuniting with their emotional and psychological frame of mind.
Be accessible most of the time:
Accessibility is one factor that must be addressed for you to have a strong bond with your kids. When you are often inaccessible to your children, they will not be able to communicate their experiences and feelings with you. It is important that you are often around for them to have a discussion with you. Undertaking house chores together as well as other fun activities will present a fantastic opportunity for you to bond with your kids. When you are around your kids most of the time, you can be sure that they will be able to confide in you and express themselves more freely to you. Adolescence is a very tough period for most kids. Hormonal changes, exposure to new things and high expectations can make them very confused and unsettled. However, when you are often accessible, they can always seek valuable counsel and avoid mistakes. Being accessible means that they will share their excitements, sadness, and worries with you and this will ultimately create a very strong bond.
At the end of the day, we are still human beings. From time to time, we will still need a bit of break. Care for your children by taking care of your own sanity first. Whether it’s just a baby sitter for a few hours or a date night out in the town, we all need to find balance within ourselves in order to find balance at home.
While being accessible physically is very crucial, it is more important that you are psychologically around. What this means is that your kids know that you are thinking about them and that you are well informed on most things they are experiencing. When you know about the very trivial things about your kids and have an understanding of where they are in their lives, your kids will certainly perceive you as being very available and naturally gravitate towards opening up and bonding with you.
When you are often accessible, you will envelop your kids with love and a reassurance that makes them mentally stable and vibrant. Keep in mind that being accessible doesn’t mean you should always be at home. It only means that you are mentally and emotionally reachable whenever they need you.